


seeking ways to lose yourself

by blastellanos



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M, Why Did I Write This?, what is WRONG with me?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 17:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10141529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blastellanos/pseuds/blastellanos
Summary: The scrape of his beard is different.





	

The scrape of his beard is different, longer hair scratching against his own stubble-- and the strength in his hands while he gripped his biceps causes a little stuttering flutter in Andrew’s chest. It’s not a good thing, a good feeling, a good place to be. But there’s a search here, to ease out the pain of a loss even if it’s just spring training. Even if it’s just meaningless. It’s all meaningless. 

“We shouldn’t do this,” Andrew’s words are whispered, against Tyler’s lips, and barely audible over the thudding in his own heart. Warm hands fall away from Andrew’s cheeks and there’s suddenly distance. It gives him room to breathe but takes away everything else. He curls his fingers, then blinks, and then stares, running his eyes over Tyler’s face. 

Tyler’s frowning, edges of his mouth turned downward, brow a little furrowed, stain of red across his cheeks. His eyes are dark and Andrew stands there trying to remember how to breathe. 

_ In, out, in, out _ . 

“Why’d you stop?” Andrew asks. It surprises him too and Tyler hesitates, the furrow increasing. The light reflects off of the gold of Andrew’s wedding ring and it should make him feel guilt but instead, he just suppresses the desire to put his hands in his pocket. 

“You said we shouldn’t,” Tyler repeats. Andrew swallows a little, throat working. (It’s the only thing that feels as though it is, because brain-heart-breath have all stopped functioning without extreme effort. What’s he even doing?) 

“I didn’t mean  _ stop _ .” 

The hesitation is brief, but there. Then Tyler closes the distance between them once more. 

(All meaningless.) 

“So I should…” Tyler starts and tilts his head and Andrew nods, without hesitation. He watches Tyler’s tongue dance along his lower lip. Watches him breathe. Watches the gears turning behind those dark eyes. And for a moment, he wonders. But then Andrew doesn’t wait and finishes removing the space between, palms resting against Tyler’s shoulders, pressing their lips back together.

Sharing a breath. Tasting Tyler on his lips again. It shouldn’t feel this good-- this bad -- this good, but it does. Tyler’s hands settle again, one cupping the curve of Andrew’s jaw, the other settling against the side of his throat. He feels Tyler’s thumb stroking over where his heart is racing beneath his skin.

It doesn’t soothe him. Tyler kisses him again, open-mouthed and a little messy and Andrew focuses again on the feel of the scrape against his cheek and loses himself in to. Calloused fingers, strong hands, that soldiness that lets him know this is real and not a dream. 

Not that he’s sure why he would have dreamt this. Or why this was a reality that he wanted. His fingers curl against Tyler’s chest and he knows if they want to take it further, they should get somewhere private. But for now, he just sinks into it. Closes his eyes and loses him. 


End file.
